There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
