My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
