ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
