Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
my liver is dry heaving
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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