I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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