i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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