Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
