He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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