OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
