So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
