yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
