I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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