i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
