last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
