Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
