Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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