Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize