When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
