I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she told me i tasted like america
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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