so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
