i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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