A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
