This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
