Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
