Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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