What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
