Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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