I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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