am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
