And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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