okay pat passed out under dana's car
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
