okay pat passed out under dana's car
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
