You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
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Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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