Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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