His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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