it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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