I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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