u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
did i walk over a car last night?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's shark week go big or go home
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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