I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
