singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
