Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day

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  (973): yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day http://tfl.nu/9i5e
  Replies (13) Good night (1269) Bad night (2706)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I GOT MY PERIOD!

  (706): View more from Georgia

  damn. i had names picked out.

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  (706): I GOT MY PERIOD! (706): damn. i had names picked out. http://tfl.nu/tcr6
  Replies (18) Good night (7281) Bad night (1074)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.

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  (734): Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success. http://tfl.nu/ji3r
  Replies (10) Good night (1934) Bad night (952)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.

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  (404): We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned. http://tfl.nu/3qtb
  Replies (6) Good night (5700) Bad night (936)
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  (845): View more from New York

  you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes

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  (845): you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes http://tfl.nu/5rry
  Replies (5) Good night (3413) Bad night (942)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex

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  (519): I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex http://tfl.nu/b3wh
  Replies (15) Good night (1160) Bad night (2439)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.

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  (360): I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show. http://tfl.nu/dv9s
  Replies (7) Good night (556) Bad night (838)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.

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  (804): Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience. http://tfl.nu/3o6t
  Replies (7) Good night (714) Bad night (1567)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate

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  (856): Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate http://tfl.nu/thdo
  Replies (3) Good night (1122) Bad night (524)
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  (283): View more from Ohio

  $645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.

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  (283): $645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper. http://tfl.nu/b2q3
  Replies (6) Good night (497) Bad night (1181)
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  (909): View more from California

  I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...

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  (909): I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji... http://tfl.nu/rxc7
  Replies (5) Good night (880) Bad night (403)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished

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  (630): Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished http://tfl.nu/r8cu
  Replies (14) Good night (1604) Bad night (624)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering

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  (954): She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering http://tfl.nu/ujc0
  Replies (6) Good night (632) Bad night (778)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.

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  (580): I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots. http://tfl.nu/rb8t
  Replies (1) Good night (908) Bad night (358)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.

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  (603): If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it. http://tfl.nu/n6dm
  Replies (3) Good night (502) Bad night (329)

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