I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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