His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
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you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
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They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.