Texts From Last Night

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.

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  (330): I would have at least made out with you if you were showered. http://tfl.nu/yd8o
  Replies (3) Good night (724) Bad night (1949)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  What is a male extremity?

  (813): View more from Florida

  i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex

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  (813): I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters (1-813): What is a male extremity? (813): i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex http://tfl.nu/l9w1
  Replies (35) Good night (902) Bad night (4816)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?

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  (973): how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me? http://tfl.nu/anhw
  Replies (8) Good night (5613) Bad night (1247)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.

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  (410): 260 beers this month. I need a new hobby. http://tfl.nu/ixdv
  Replies (37) Good night (3868) Bad night (1565)
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  (925): View more from California

  She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.

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  (925): She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about. http://tfl.nu/434y
  Replies (3) Good night (2897) Bad night (1139)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.

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  (814): We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus. http://tfl.nu/cwxq
  Replies (16) Good night (1432) Bad night (2042)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring

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  (816): I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring http://tfl.nu/n1of
  Replies (2) Good night (2202) Bad night (756)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.

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  (+61): she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth. http://tfl.nu/joaz
  Replies (3) Good night (1376) Bad night (818)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.

  (1-213): View more from California

  best text I've received ever.

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  (213): Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon. (1-213): best text I've received ever. http://tfl.nu/3obm
  Replies (16) Good night (5099) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.

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  (775): Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno. http://tfl.nu/rdsm
  Replies (2) Good night (1266) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.

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  (815): I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers. http://tfl.nu/2uqi
  Replies (1) Good night (629) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.

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  (412): Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants. http://tfl.nu/2i1x
  Replies (2) Good night (499) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."

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  (320): I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you." http://tfl.nu/09tn
  Replies (5) Good night (746) Bad night (505)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.

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  (586): Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/88fu
  Replies (0) Good night (557) Bad night (274)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.

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  (607): Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all. http://tfl.nu/kqey
  Replies (1) Good night (136) Bad night (296)

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