we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup