so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"