he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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