i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
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turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
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She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.