nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
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Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings