then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
