I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
