So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
