Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
