There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
