i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE