Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
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We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
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I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.