I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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