I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
