She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
