Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
