no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
