Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
