Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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