Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
