You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
