I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
