The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
