Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
