If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just cut my nipple shaving
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
