careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
