party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
