So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
