Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
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And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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