how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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