Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
