There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
