lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
