i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
