The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
