I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
