Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
